Abandon Hope - All Ye Who Enter Here

Generally, I feel rather comfortable in most social situations.  I am an expert at small talk and given enough time, I can usually stumble upon a polite topic that is mutually interesting to whomever I happen to be chatting with at the moment. I pride myself in having adequate social skills for navigating the challenges of an evening at the Opera as well as a seedy leather bar. That is until I entered the Toy-R-Us / Babies-R-Us super store this past weekend.

This is way off my usual path, but I am in need of a birthday present for my 3 year old nephew, so I thought I would go to the source for all things with which one can play. The place where all toys, big and small, can be found for purchase. The fountain of joy for all little girls and boys. OMG - I walked in and froze in my tracks like a squirrel in the street. I did not know where to go or in which direction to run. Panic overloaded my senses as I stood there in a stream of haggard looking parents and sugar infused hyper-excited children on the move, simply blinking until my vision cleared and I re-oriented myself.

Pink aisles for girl stuff....
Blue aisles for boy stuff....

Where the heck are the gender-neutral Disney-themed plush toys? This was too much.  I wandered lost in a shimmering haze of fantastically merchandized movie tie-ins that are called toys. Aisle after aisle of sparkling newness swarming with happy smiling children and stunned adults. I felt out of place for the first time in many years. To be honest, I am around children so seldom that I very rarely look down - I expect live, ambulatory people to be near my actual eye level - except for the occasional little-person who wanders by - but that is for another posting. In my mind I was Gulliver in Lilliputia, but without all the fun bondage play.

How can anyone choose anything from such a huge selection of things for which I am unsure of their actual use?  I am usually a very decisive person, and yet I found myself thinking, what if the rock-n-roll Mickey is really what he wants instead of the super soft, plush Mickey that would be great to cuddle up with in bed?  What if he already has this one?  Since he lives in Singapore, returning it will be quite inconvenient. What if he doesn't even like Mickey in a month?  What then? Will I sit there in shame as I am harshly judged by the bored expression on my 3 year old nephew's face due to my untimely delivery of a gift?

So, after agonizing on the gender-neutral, Disney plush toy aisle for a full 20 minutes, I bought the one I liked and a few other things just in case. I think next year I will be sending an Amazon.com gift card.  Like Toys-R-Us, you can get pretty much anything from Amazon, except perhaps chicken pox or the measles.