A Bit of Navel Gazing

My friend Joanne S. stopped me in the hallway at work last week and asked me why I took up blogging? My immediate response was something like: "Since it is unlikely that I will be contributing to the human gene pool, I wanted to do something that in some small way contributed to society - and the great internet brain." Granted, it was a sarcastic response, but having given it some thought since then, it is in some ways true.

Flashback to when I lived in Greensboro, fondly referred to as "my seven years in exile." I was selected to participate in a leadership retreat along with members of our upper management team. One of the team building exercises started with the instructor stating that although the people in the room sat in close proximity during work hours and spoke to each other daily, that we really knew nothing about each other beyond our job descriptions. This lack of knowledge prevented us from gelling into an effective team because we did not know how to work in a way that kept everyone motivated. I thought this was a little too touchy-feely - particularly for a group of senior management (men) and up-and-comers in the company. There is a reason it is called a PRIVATE life after all.  

Anyway, we had to share three things about ourselves with a partner chosen at random. My partner was an ultra-conservative, pro-war, Rush-head, who was nice enough in passing, but I had no desire to know him better. But part of the exercise was to answer three questions:

1. Who was a person who had a lasting influence in your life?
2. What accomplishment are you most proud of?
3. What are you most afraid of?

My partner shared with me some inspiring stories about his handicapped brother and the numerous surgeries he had survived (1), his children (2), and losing his wife who is his soul mate (3). I was impressed by his honesty, so I thought, what the hey?  I might as well go balls to the wall and be as honest as possible with this guy. So, my grandmother who shared her love of reading with me (1), earning my second degree (cumma sum laude) while working full time (2), and that when I die, I will not leave anything behind me to be remembered by (3). 

Of course the second part of the exercise, that I did not see coming, was to introduce your partner to the group based on the shared information. When it was my turn, I sanitized and "butched" up all the teary-eyed sharing, threw in some sports references, and made my partner seem like a pretty good guy.  When it was his turn, he pretty much repeated everything I had said in my moment of sharing - but his introduction made me seem like a nerdy, scared, bookworm. The entire group assumed a look of understanding pity for me. 

I felt like such a puss for the rest of the retreat - somehow less than a man in the eyes of my peers and bosses - who were all men.  Uggh!

The next day, I returned to work, greeting the participants from the retreat as usual. When I sat down in my cube I read the following quotation that I had printed out some months earlier and taped above my computer monitor:

What is success? To laugh often and much, to win the respect of 
intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the 
appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false 
friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to 
leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a 
garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one 
life has breathed easier because you have lived. That is to 
have succeeded.
	- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Somehow, the embarrassment and feelings of being less than the other men in the room dissipated. I knew that by this definition I was successful.

Perhaps that is the answer to the original question of why I started blogging. In some small way this blog is part of my contribution. After all, what goes on the internet stays there forever - Just ask Rep Anthony Weiner.  Hahaha!

And that is why I decided to start blogging.
XOX