Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Thank you Again Internet

The internet is the gift that keeps on giving.  How can anyone ever get bored when news items from around the world simply pour into your news feed? Today, this gem from Charleston, SC was posted by a friend on Facebook: Man Eats Cocaine From Brother's Butt, Dies.

Comments anyone?  Anyone? This is definitely fodder for a classic lunch table discussion.  I can only imagine the direction the conversation would take: I mean, I love my brother, but would I eat something out of his butt? Not on purpose and only to save his life. My brother loves me, could I convince him to eat something still warm from my butt? Extremely unlikely. I can't even imagine the conversation that lead up to the reveal and the meal. Perhaps it was something like: Open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise.

Other questions that come to mind: How high was the eater before he consumed an ounce of cocaine lovingly warmed to 98.6F (37C)? Was the first brother handcuffed as he fished out the baggie and fed it to his brother? Were there skid marks visible on the baggie? Did he chew, or just swallow? Was it actually all up inside there and had to be squeezed out, or simply nestled lovingly between the butt cheeks? Was this the only thing he had up there, or were there other delightful treats? What did he have in his pockets that was so important that he had to use the final frontier as a storage area?

Other comments for which I cannot take credit:
  • Rectum?  I killed him.  (Facebook favorite)
  • Next time, don't use the store brand baggies. (Amanda L.)
  • Survival of the fittest, proven yet again. (Facebook)
  • Crack does indeed kill.
Once again, my deepest sympathies to the family for their loss. But really, it was only a matter of time.

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