Thoughts from the Muscle Making Machines: Part 2

Although it did sound like the perfect way to start the day, being ridden and pumped before work this morning only left me feeling tired, spent, unfocused, sore, angry, and pitifully unmotivated.

The sales pitch yesterday went something like this: "You like to lift. You like to spin. You should try our new class called Pump and Ride. It is 15 minutes of spin class, 15 minutes of lifting, 15 more minutes of spin, followed by 15 minutes of lifting. It will be perfect for you."

7:00 AM the Exercise Log

It did sound perfect, so this morning I got up, ate a good breakfast and headed to the gym to attend this experimental hybrid class. First of all today's pump was replaced by interval training consisting of some sort of plastic log with handles that we had to carry while we curtsied, threaded the needle, cross lifted with forward lunges, shuffled with side lunges, and totem poled. Sounds like a delightful way to begin your day, doesn't it?  The set consisted of two rotations through the five stations. You spent 60 seconds at each station and had 15 seconds in between to rest.

I thought, "What's a minute? I can do this" Well, a minute is plenty of time to realize that you have made a terrible mistake. 15 minutes is enough time to be concerned that your breakfast may be reappearing at any moment. I kept staring at the clock, eagerly awaiting the spin portion of the class. Spin is my specialty, I do it four times a week. But, no....

7:15 AM Pushups on the Trapeze (TRX)

We went from log toting right into some sort of S&M inspired circuit of trapezes hanging from the ceiling - also know as TRX. Things like kettle bell lifts while pulling yourself off the ground with one hand. Push up / crunches while your feet were suspended above ground. The list goes on, but the tortures slowly became more imaginative, more heinous, and more painful - each worse than the one before.

I only made one circuit through this new level of Hell. Then I bolted. I just could not do another round. I had to keep telling myself that there are no heroes in Hell. And while I felt like a big old puss for not making it through another circuit, I knew in my (pounding) heart that I would excel in the spin portion. So, while my fellow prisoners were swinging in their straps while being berated by their keepers, I slipped out to get a head start on my spin bike.

8:35 AM....

Much to my surprise, my legs were like overcooked noodles. My arms barely supported my upper body as we jogged and did push ups on the spin cycle - forward and back, forward and back, foward and back for 20 minutes.

I thought that 8:00 would never arrive. But, like Christmas, it did - and so did the sales pitch. For a measly $500, I could submit myself to this special brand of torture (bootcamp) three mornings a week for the next 12 weeks. I fully understand that this type of workout will be of great benefit to my 49 year old body - but I am unsure if this body can withstand so much torture, so early in the morning, for so many weeks in a row.

Even though the class has officially been renamed "Riding and Resistance," I think I am going to pass on this opportunity. However, I will gladly cheer for the inmates / recruits / suckers each morning as I shuffle between the muscle making machines.