Thoughts from the Muscle Making Machines: Part 2

Although it did sound like the perfect way to start the day, being ridden and pumped before work this morning only left me feeling tired, spent, unfocused, sore, angry, and pitifully unmotivated.

The sales pitch yesterday went something like this: "You like to lift. You like to spin. You should try our new class called Pump and Ride. It is 15 minutes of spin class, 15 minutes of lifting, 15 more minutes of spin, followed by 15 minutes of lifting. It will be perfect for you."

7:00 AM the Exercise Log

It did sound perfect, so this morning I got up, ate a good breakfast and headed to the gym to attend this experimental hybrid class. First of all today's pump was replaced by interval training consisting of some sort of plastic log with handles that we had to carry while we curtsied, threaded the needle, cross lifted with forward lunges, shuffled with side lunges, and totem poled. Sounds like a delightful way to begin your day, doesn't it?  The set consisted of two rotations through the five stations. You spent 60 seconds at each station and had 15 seconds in between to rest.

I thought, "What's a minute? I can do this" Well, a minute is plenty of time to realize that you have made a terrible mistake. 15 minutes is enough time to be concerned that your breakfast may be reappearing at any moment. I kept staring at the clock, eagerly awaiting the spin portion of the class. Spin is my specialty, I do it four times a week. But, no....

7:15 AM Pushups on the Trapeze (TRX)

We went from log toting right into some sort of S&M inspired circuit of trapezes hanging from the ceiling - also know as TRX. Things like kettle bell lifts while pulling yourself off the ground with one hand. Push up / crunches while your feet were suspended above ground. The list goes on, but the tortures slowly became more imaginative, more heinous, and more painful - each worse than the one before.

I only made one circuit through this new level of Hell. Then I bolted. I just could not do another round. I had to keep telling myself that there are no heroes in Hell. And while I felt like a big old puss for not making it through another circuit, I knew in my (pounding) heart that I would excel in the spin portion. So, while my fellow prisoners were swinging in their straps while being berated by their keepers, I slipped out to get a head start on my spin bike.

8:35 AM....

Much to my surprise, my legs were like overcooked noodles. My arms barely supported my upper body as we jogged and did push ups on the spin cycle - forward and back, forward and back, foward and back for 20 minutes.

I thought that 8:00 would never arrive. But, like Christmas, it did - and so did the sales pitch. For a measly $500, I could submit myself to this special brand of torture (bootcamp) three mornings a week for the next 12 weeks. I fully understand that this type of workout will be of great benefit to my 49 year old body - but I am unsure if this body can withstand so much torture, so early in the morning, for so many weeks in a row.

Even though the class has officially been renamed "Riding and Resistance," I think I am going to pass on this opportunity. However, I will gladly cheer for the inmates / recruits / suckers each morning as I shuffle between the muscle making machines.

MINI, Bus, Plane, Train, and Taxi – Raleigh to Hong Kong

MINI, Bus, Plane, Train, and Taxi - Raleigh to Hong Kong

Getting up at 5:30 AM is never something that I choose to do, but Dad and I were carpooling to the airport this morning.  So I needed a bit of a head start.  Everything went as planned and we got checked into our flight with plenty of time to spare. After a coffee and and an orange juice at the terminal we headed to the gate to wait among our fellow travelers. 

 On the flight to Chicago, I had the window seat and dad had the aisle. Unfortunately, the flight was full and the man in the middle seat was forced to squeeze in between us, but you can suffer most anything for 2 hours.  

We had plenty of time to grab some lunch in Chicago, so we headed over to the Wolfgang Puck’s, bellied up to the bar and spent way too much money for our last American meals with some tall Sam Adams draft beers to wash it all down.  Well, actually, I had a couple of tall beers.  Dad had a sandwich and beer followed by a cup of soup. His turkey club just wasn’t enough to fill him up.

Our company at the bar was quite lively.  The bartender was a flirtatious blond from Poland. We were joined by a deep-voiced housewife from Colorado, and a business man who ordered a “double martini, desert dry, with three olives – one for the past, present, and future.” We made a great foursome.  Lots of travel  talk and loud laughter to send us on our way.

On board our monster plane to Asia, we were seated in steerage – way in the back.  When I booked our flight, I chose seats that were across the aisle so that we would have a bit of leaning out room and still be able to chat during the flight.  But there was a family with small children seated near us, and dad agreed to move into another seat, one row forward.  He earned another feather for his heavenly wings by agreeing to move, but he was still close enough for us to chat.

Unfortunately, the movie on board was Mr Popper’s Penguins.  Really?  I wonder what the choices are in business and first class?  But, the drink service has come through and I got my first vodka tonic poured and off to the side.  Oh yeah, did I mention that I have an empty seat next to me for my stuff?  To spread out into?  Today is a bonus day!  Of course, I am only 30 minutes into my 15 hour flight.  My mood will definitely change. However, before I left home this morning, I raided the home pharmacy for things that could help me sleep.  I am stocked up with Ambien, muscle relaxers, and pain killers.  I can put two rows of this section to sleep if necessary.  

1.5 hours in: Hahaha – they just announced the food selections – Chicken Marsala with pasta (yum) or vegetable stir fry with rice (yuck). Unfortunately, dad does not eat chicken, due to a childhood experience on the farm. He vowed never to eat an animal that takes a poop and then turns around and eats the undigested remnants from the steaming pile.  Good for him!  And somehow he has managed to live to an incredibly healthy 68 years old eating beef, pork, and several other fowl that he did not witness pecking around in the poo.

2.25 hours in: That was the worst airplane food ever, but the brownie was nice.  2^nd vodka tonic has been poured and is steeping on the fold down table next to me.  Settling in for a little reading and perhaps some pharmaceutically induced sleep. Dad is very excited about seeing my brother in Hong Kong, who incidentally has planned for us to take a harbor tour following our arrival.  He has also made our dinner reservations for a restaurant overlooking Hong Kong harbor.  Since he is quite the foodie, I am looking forward to some yummy vittles and great conversation. 

3 hours in: For the love of God!  The Kevin James / Zookeeper movie.  I must be sitting in the family-friendly section. Another vodka please!

5 hours in: The pills are working – see you on the other side.

13 hours in: I am trying to come up with a proper simile for how it feels to sleep in an airplane seat in economy.  How about, “it feels like sleeping in a coffin that is too short,” but we are almost there.

Touchdown – tiny Asian people immediately jump out of their seats and start swarming all around me -  climbing on seats to retrieve their luggage, chattering away, all looking happy and pleased to be home. I am just sitting here, thinking about how am I going to push my way into the stream.  In the end it turned out to be a lot like jumping into a cold pool – just do it and get it over with.  Once you are in, it isn’t that bad.

My brother was awaiting us outside of customs – we are off to the city.