Warning: This post may be a little salty or, at the very least, a bit distasteful (pun intended).
I am not sure what my mother did to us when she was potty training my sister, brother, and I, but if you put the three of us in a room for more than 45 minutes, the conversation will devolve to some sort of potty humor. We seem to have no limits of decorum about the subject and mixed company does not deter us from our mission. So this posting goes out to all the new parents out there - and to my mom. Be careful of the training you do now, because the effects will be long lasting. Hahaha.
Work has been a little hectic over the last few weeks. The
company was recently renamed and we released a new user interface for our premier product. Up to and immediately following the release, it has been all hands on deck tweaking and fine tuning. As such, the internet has had to read itself. I just have not had time to do more than skim through the headlines. But the internet must have been missing me, because yesterday the following headline appeared in my iGoogle news feed:
Colon Cleansing: Not so Healthy, Analysis Says.
Three of my favorite things all in one place: Cleaning, Health, and Colon. OMG! I could not click on the link fast enough. It was really a bit unfair to be honest. How could I not follow the link? A boy has to be informed - particularly since my sister is now studying to be a nurse and is brimming with new and disgusting fun facts about the human body. And, to be honest, I work with a very enlightened group of folks - so I needed some lunchtime conversation starters - like little appetizers.
For those of you who do not fall asleep with the Discovery Channel on and wake up at 4:00 AM to an infomercial blaring the health benefits of a clean detoxified colon, you may need additional information about this practice: "Colon cleansing, technically known as colonic hydrotherapy or colonic irrigation, is a popular treatment, usually performed at spas. It often involves the use of chemicals in the body and in hydrotherapy, the colon is flushed with water through a tube inserted in the rectum."
Doesn't sound so bad. I mean in some communities, a clean colon is simply good manners. As Dan Savage so elegantly stated on the
Savage Love Podcast: "You wouldn't have oral sex with a mouth full of food, so why would you have anal sex with a butt full of poo?" See - I am devolving quickly here.
The article went on to state: "Researchers also noted that many of the "spas" that offer colon cleansing have no trained clinicians and even organizations such as the
National Board for Colon Hydrotherapy and others who promote colon cleansing require technicians who perform professional colon cleansing to have little more than a high school diploma."
OK. Where to start? There is a National Board? If you followed the link above, you will notice that the website is way out of date and the pictures fail to load. Could be a blessing. However the mission of the NBCHT is to:
- provide a quality voluntary system for certification and recertification for practitioners of colon hydrotherapy.
promote the status and credibility of the profession.
safeguard the public trust by establishing and maintaining a set of competency standards that establish minimal safety.
advance uniform standards of practice and ethical conduct.
help clients and employers choose practitioners through a referral program.
Can it get any better? Of couse it can. According to the article you can be certified to shove an irrigation wand through someone's brown starfish and up into their descending bowel with little more than a high school diploma and a few training classes. I can only imagine the certification process. Do the students practice on each other, or do they have volunteers, like in a painting class, come in, disrobe and submit themselves to the tender ministrations of the amateur irrigator? And do you get any fancy initials to add after your name - like CCI (Certified Colon Irrigationist)? Do you start with a drip irrigation, or do you jump right into the full force power cleaning?
Dear reader, it only gets better. One of the authors of the study goes on to say: "When you flush your colon out with a hose, it's like giving yourself an enema on steroids. You shouldn't put things up there that really don't belong there.... Imagine 60 liters of water going through your colon. The stress it puts on the system, and the hose, if not used correctly, could puncture the organ."
60 LITERS? Is that expert level or beginner? REALLY? That is 15 gallons of water - or as my friend Amanda L put it "That's 30 two-liter bottles of diet coke!" And with that Diet Coke, all you need is to
pop a Mentos for the perfect, minty fresh colon.
Wow - what a perfect day! My conversation basket was filled for the entire afternoon!
I missed you too Internet!
Hugs and Kisses
Raleighboy444 CCI
For the full, original article click here.
