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Reminiscing: My first step towards the path

In the Spring of 2012 I took my first class at the Kadampa Buddhist Center. I had been putting it off for nearly year. Periodically, I would check out their website, look at the class schedule, and find some reason for not attending a class or a Sunday morning teaching. Honestly, I was more than a little intimidated. I have never really been a joiner and I was concerned that upon visiting the center, I would be surrounded by fervent, empty eyed believers, like Scientologists or Amway salesmen.

When I finally communicated with someone at the center, they recommended I start with the Meditation 101 class, which is non-denominational. This class teaches basic meditation skills and would be of benefit should I decide to continue studying Buddhism.

Kadampa Center Stupa

I remember my first impressions of the center. Except for the stupa, the building is somewhat nondescript. The people in the lobby were warm and welcoming when I walked through the door. There seemed to be quite a few newbies attending the class, which was conducted in the Gompa (the place of quiet learning). There were pews in the back of the room, chairs down the sides, and cushions in the middle of the room - all facing the altar. Having been raised as a Methodist, I found the vibrant colors on the altar, in the tangkas (paintings), and prayer flags to be somewhat shocking.

But, when in Rome....

Lhamo

I took my place on a cushion. When our teacher, Lhamo, entered I was at first unable to stop staring at her shaved head, but that only lasted a few minutes. Her calm demeanor, thoughtful answers, and good humor soon won me over. Since that first class, I have spent time on the cushion nearly every morning to start my day as well as some evenings to end the day.

Nearly two years later, the vibrant colors are now soothing, the people continue to be happy and friendly, the teachers are inspiring, and while I am a long way from enlightenment, I just may be a slightly better person than I was - which is really the goal.

From the Lists: #17 The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter

The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter (1940) 

Carson McCullers

A small mill town in the South is a lonely place for those dangling on the fringes of polite 1930s society. A café owner, a labor organizer, an African-American doctor, and a teenage girl growing up in a boarding house make an unlikely cast of characters. The narrative thread holding this book and these characters together is a lonely, deaf-mute man named John Singer.

Each of these characters has secret dreams and ambitions they only share with Singer. The café owner is really an interior decorator at heart, the labor organizer longs for knowledge, the doctor struggles to organize his people to fight against racism, and the girl dreams of playing music in great concert halls. Sadly their fear of sharing their dreams and their ingrained distrust prevent them from realizing the person who they think is their enemy would actually be their best ally or perfect partner.

A major theme of this book, like Invisible Man, is projection. Since Singer is unable to communicate,

he becomes all things to all people. He is the sounding board, confessor, counselor, lover, and friend to all who know him. He is everything and nothing; a projection or creation of the mind to fill the needs of each character. While these characters consider Singer as their only friend, they are completely unaware of his deep longing for the return of his only friend – someone they have never met.

Carson McCullers: Saucy Minx

Like most of the novels in the 100 best English novels ofthe 20th century, there are no happy endings in this story. The characters do not rise above their circumstances. I am not sure they even learn from what they experience in the time period the book covers. It’s really a “things happen, some people are upset about these things, others don’t even notice, and in the end life goes on” kind of book.

Despite this, I really enjoyed this book – even though there is no real crisis to overcome, no crescendo of emotion, and no just rewards meted out for bad behavior. These are simply well-crafted characters who are only trying to get through the difficulties of life, fighting or succumbing to their circumstances and carrying on as best they can. And, while nothing seems to really happen, I found that I couldn’t put this book down once I started reading it. 

 And - like Slaughterhouse Five, there was a movie. Adding it to the Netflix queue now. 

Next up An American Tragedy.

From the Lists: #18 Slaugherhouse Five

Usually when reading a book from the 100 Best Novels of the 20th Century I can easily relate the story to something in my life. My job, family, friends, relationships, or faith often come to mind as I experience a work of literature. For me, this makes the narrative more human - something I can relate to and color through my own experiences. 

Then along comes something so freaky deaky that all I can do is scratch my head and wonder what is this author trying to accomplish? Slaughterhouse Five, or The Children's Crusade: A Duty-Dance with Death (1969) by Kurt Vonnegut is one such novel. This semi-autobiographical work is told in non-linear fashion from the perspective of an unreliable, if not completely insane, character. Slaughter House Five circuitously relates the life and misfortunes of an unwilling soldier, Billy Pilgrim, who "does nothing to help himself." Obviously this novel is a satirical, anti-war response to WWII novels and memoirs released in the 1950's that meditated on the horrors of war and rejoiced in the heroic actions of our fighting boys.

That's the easy part to understand. Adding to the confusion, the novel jumps both forward and

Kurt Vonnegut

backward in time and space and planets. Pilgrim's story unfolds in a collection of seemingly unrelated vignettes recalling the highlights and traumas of his life. A life in which Pilgrim finds himself caught up in circumstances that he cannot fully understand or process at the time of their telling. Pilgrim's story describes his current struggles, his life before and during the war, his recovery from a mental breakdown, his life as a father, husband and business man, and his time spent as an exhibit in an alien zoo. There is no order. There is only the chaos of an unruly mind in its final days.

{Spoiler Alert - Stop here if you don't want to know the final plot twist}

This method of story telling is somewhat confusing, but as the story unfolds, Vonnegut slowly reveals the truth about Pilgim's world view and the source of the narrative's strange turns. Having experienced two mental breakdowns and now suffering from dementia Pilgrim now conflates his life experiences with the plots of pulp science fiction novels he read under the influence of drugs during his recovery from his first breakdown. In a way, his life as he now remembers it is like an unrelenting season of the Twilight Zone - full of ironic and unexpected endings and death - lots of death.

{End of Spoiler text}

Although it may not seem like it from the above, I actually quite liked this novel. Vonnegut's writing is clear and concise. Billy Pilgrim, while a buffoon, is ultimately a likeable and sympathetic character. And, even better, the reveal makes you rethink the entire novel.

If my life was to be composed of classic novels, which titles would I choose?

Life continues despite the death that awaits us.

Must add to the Netflix Queue

From the Lists: #19 Invisible Man

"Number 19? What happened to #20?" you may ask.

I read #20 Native Son (1940) by Richard Wright while in college. In researching this post, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Wright and Ralph Ellison were friends and were writing in Harlem in the years leading up to and following WWII. Both were disillusioned by the treatment of African-Americans by not only the US government and society at large, but also by socialist groups attempting to organize in the 1950s.

Where Native Son relates the inevitability of Bigger Thomas' crimes due to the hopelessness of his environment, Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man (1952) tells a story of optimism and the slow onset of disillusionment. Ellison creates a first-person narrator who remains nameless throughout the novel. He could be anyone - including you or me. Our narrator is a pleasant, hopeful, intelligent, kind character with a gift for oration. He is the type of character a reader pulls for hoping he will rise above adversity, get the girl after a few setbacks and live happily ever after. But, as with all great literature, there is no happy ending for our invisible man.

Ralph Ellison

While our narrator does all he can to follow the rules thinking that is the only way to get ahead for a poor, Southern African-American boy, he finds himself again and again being cast as the fall guy in other peoples' agendas. Despite doing his best to get along without making waves, our invisible man is blamed, rejected, black-listed, shunned, and used by those he believes are his friends and mentors. Eventually, rather than pulling for the narrator, the reader is exhorting him to run and trust no one - particularly those who seem to want to help.

Upon finishing this novel, I was torn in my feelings. I greatly enjoyed the author's writing style and the narrator was a likable, if gullible, character. It was the "bad" guys who really bothered me the most. Not because of their inherent badness, but more due to their indifference. To them, the narrator is only a means to an end, a convenient scapegoat, a whipping boy, an excuse, or a pawn in a greater plan.

When I consider this, I think of the many people who, like the narrator, find themselves embroiled in the machinations of those with power over their lives. Groups of people who continue to be viewed as less than equal - women, immigrants, gays & lesbians, the homeless, the poor, the uninsured, the unemployed - the list goes on and on. Even worse, I think we have all been the invisible man and the bad guy. How many times have we crawled over the backs of others to get ahead in our competitive society? Made ourselves look better by making someone else look bad? How often do we pretend not to see or hear something or someone who makes us feel uncomfortable? How many times have we dismissively responded to a homeless person that we have no money to spare when we actually do?


I admit, I have been both invisible and incapable of seeing. 

"I am an invisible man.... I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids - and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me."

From the Lists: #21 Henderson the Rain King

Henderson the Rain King (1959) by Saul Bellow is a bit of a conundrum to me. I had never heard of this book, even though it is ranked #21 on the 100 Best English Novels of the 20th Century so I was able to approach it without any expectations. And yet, when I completed it, I was left scratching my head. Is the book intended to be a late-in-life coming of age novel, a farce, a parable, a fever dream, a satyric retelling of Lawrence of Arabia, a Buddhist teaching?  Maybe yes to some and maybe no to all.

As if my head scratching were not enough, I stumbled across this piece of Wikipedia information when researching this post: "A week before the novel appeared in book stores, Saul Bellow published an article in the New York Times entitled “The Search for Symbols, a Writer Warns, Misses All the Fun and Fact of the Story.” Here, Bellow warns readers against looking too deeply for symbols in literature. This has led to much discussion among critics as to why Bellow warned his readers against searching for symbolism just before the symbol-packed Rain King hit the shelves."

Saul Bellow

If we simply focus on the "fun and facts," this book is about a patently unlikable man named Henderson, who through bad luck and circumstances inherits a great fortune and estate, which he immediately turns into a pig farm. A few unhappy marriages later, he is off to Africa for a series of bumbling adventures motivated by colonial paternalism for the poor, helpless natives. Along the way he meets an African tribal chief whose views of the world are possibly even more delusional than Henderson's proving that a little bit of information can be more detrimental than complete ignorance. And, as you probably guessed, mayhem ensues and Henderson returns home with a new outlook on life.

It all seems pretty straightforward, except the story is unreliably narrated by Henderson who seems motivated by an internal mantra of "I want, I want, I want." Based on his actions  it seems he only wants to be provocative, shocking, contrary, oafish, impractical, heroic and a doctor despite his disdain for reading and study. I see a bit of Buddhist philosophy in the narrative, but I see that everywhere these days. Our "hero" is constantly seeking something outside of himself that will make him happy. No matter his circumstances, he continues making bad decisions resulting in even more unhappiness. Since he is unable to recognize that his actions are the cause of his unhappiness, he traps himself in an endless circle of bad outcomes and unsatisfied desires (live, die, repeat).

It is likely we all know someone like this. I am guilty of making terrible decisions that I think will bring happiness only to realize later that I have not found happiness. The lesson must be that we learn to recognize when we are writing the same unhappy life story. Upon recognition, we must learn to use the wisdom gained in this life to make the right decision for not only ourselves, but for those whose lives will be affected.

While I am unsure of the significance of this novel and why it was given such a high ranking, it was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize in 1960. It did not win the prize that year, but someone recognized a brilliance that eludes me.


Next up: #19 Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

From the Lists: #22 Appointment in Samarrra

It's all fun and games until someone gets hit in the face with a cocktail.

Appointment in Samarra (1934) by John O'Hara is another one of those prohibition-era novels in which liquor flows as if there were no restrictions on its sale. It seems that if you knew the right person and had enough money, obtaining a case of your favorite holiday spirit was as simple as picking up the phone and calling your local gangster.

In a nutshell this novel is about the dissolution of Julian and Caroline English's marriage over the course of a few days. Julian and his wife are among the social elite of their small community - or they were until a drunken Julian throws his drink in the face of the town's richest man. Had it not occurred during the country club's annual Christmas party, in front of their mutual friends, Julian may have been able to apologize the next day and moved on with his life; however, that would not make for a very interesting novel. Instead, Julian and Caroline's relationship descends into arguments, blatant infidelity, and liquor fueled arguments culminating in Julian's suicide three days later. (Sorry for the spoiler, but the book's first page pretty much gives is away.)

Hemingway, Sherman Billingsley, and John O'Hara

Although I had never heard of this novel, once I started reading it, I could not put it down. The writing is among the best examples of straightforward modernist literature of the time, not surprising considering the author's chummy relationship with some of the period's heavy-hitters. Even though O'Hara does not pull any punches, his writing does not get in the way of the story. He effortlessly moves between characters and settings as if they are from his own memories. The world he creates is completely believable, which makes Julian's breakdown all the more painful. While reading this novel, I often felt as if I was watching one of those reality shows where you know a person is headed for big trouble, but you are powerless to help them or to turn away from the screen (such as the Anna Nicole Show).

Despite the brilliant writing and story telling, Appointment in Samarra was not well received when it was first published. It seems the critics got so distracted by married men and women having sex with each other - and enjoying it, that they missed all the other goodies. Of course, the entire first chapter describes a middle class couple enjoying conjugal pleasures. And, if that was not bad enough, they are doing it on CHRISTMAS MORNING!!!!!  Apparently organized crime, indiscriminate drinking, lesbianism, shrewish wives and the infidelities of the main character paled in comparison to this act of sacrilege. As a result Appointment was originally dismissed as low-brow smut. Happily for me and other readers, O'Hara's work survived the witheringly prudish attacks of 1934 critics. In the critics' defense, it is somewhat surprising at how blatantly / casually O'Hara addresses sexuality and relationships.

Recommendation: Not a happily-ever-after novel, not a vampire or zombie in sight, but could be a great summer read.

Next up: #21 Henderson the Rain King